This is my experience with 1 month on dating apps and what I am going to do going forward.

I have very recently gotten out of a relationship of 7-8 months. Now, that should have been my first clue as to not jump straight into dating. But feeling so lonely and thinking I am completely over my ex was a mistake.

I jumped straight on Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge.

At some point I was talking up to 20 people at the time. I decided to narrow this down because it was beginning to be exhausting. I started focusing on 5 people and up until now I was only talking to 2.

I thought I was doing everything right; not acting needy, being interested, exchanging numbers and doing what I can with covid so mainly phone calls and video dates.

Turns out the responses after a while were

  • Call me when you're over your ex
  • You seem all over the place
  • What exactly are you looking for
  • You act like a fuck girl
  • Ghosted me. No explanation.

At this point – I sat down and really thought about what I wanted. I did this by asking myself the following questions

  1. What is my outcome?
  2. What do I want out of a relationship?
  3. Why do I want (#2)?

I also made a list of my pros and cons based on what I am looking for. This list was long so I had to drop it down to 10 of each.

The last thing I did was ask myself, "Am I the person I want to attract?"

I was 100% honest with myself and answered this.

Turns out, I am not the person I want to attract.

I am not interesting. It's hard being an interesting person. Having hobbies, having friends, actually doing things….I deleted my dating apps. I stopped blaming myself for the girls that ghosted me.

I made a list of things I want to learn about and do. So for the next 3 months I am going to focus on what I like to call "dating myself"

I am going to be kind to myself. Get ready for myself. Do hobbies I enjoy. All of this for myself.

Once I am able to be comfortable and hopefully enjoy life by myself then I will re-look at the following questions again

  1. What is my outcome?
  2. What do I want out of a relationship?
  3. Why do I want (#2)?
  4. Am I the person I want to attract?

TL;DR it's okay to realize that you are not ready to date. I decided to take a step back heal and get to know myself / become the person I want to attract before I put myself out there again.

submitted by /u/mmzt-

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Post Author: adamjacob

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