The sixth secret in my book 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage is MINGLE. Mingle is about the sexual relationship in marriage. It is the mingling of souls. It’s where the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual all come together. It’s sex at its best. Sex like God designed it to be. Often with the worldly emphasis on sex that is all around us, we forget that God is the author and creator of sex. It was God that created our bodies with pleasure points that fit perfectly together in the sexual act. It is His gift to us in marriage.
Yet, with all of God’s planning, we can get very dysfunctional with the sexual relationship in our marriages. We live in a sea of sexual distractions and sexual distortions. The focus is often on the physical only and thus we can miss out on the mental, emotional, and spiritual. Don’t get me wrong. The physical is awesome but there is more! So we fight the world’s definition of what great sex is on one hand and then fight the sexual baggage that most of us carry into marriage on the other. It seems that the percentage of people that enter marriage without any life experiences that color the way they look at sex is close to zero. So what do we do? How do we embrace fully the gift of sex in marriage?
First, if there is sexual baggage you have not dealt with, it’s time. Find a good Christian counselor and begin the process. The healthier the two of you are in this area, the healthier your sexual relationship will be.
Second, you need to be talking to each other about your sexual relationship. This is not sex education in general, rather it is sex education about each other. You are each unique and what makes sex great for you is also unique. Your spouse needs this information. It’s a big step in the right direction.
Here are some questions to get you talking to each other:
What is the best sexual experience you have had in our marriage?
What made that time special?
What do you enjoy the most in foreplay?
Is there anything that you do not like or is uncomfortable for you?
Is there anything you would like to try?
What time of day is best for you?
Those are your next steps for this week. If you follow through on them, you are on your way to experiencing your very own mingling of souls!
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